dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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