You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
