Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
