He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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