i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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