I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
