I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
