Me. At least after what I've been through.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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