Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize