So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
