I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
