i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
