I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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