It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
