Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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