12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
