dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
