I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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