he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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