Whatcha textin bout Willis?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
