You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
