The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
