Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
