I can text with my tongue
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize