Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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