I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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