Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
