you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
