i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize