the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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