Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
