i wish my penis had a tongue
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
