why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
