Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
