drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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