Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
