Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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