i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
