You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
