She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She bit a glass in half.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
