you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
