I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
