Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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