Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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