I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
