i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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