I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
