Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
