She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Vodka?
Forever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
and you fell through a lawn chair
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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