You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
