So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize