I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize