Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
