Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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