They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
and you fell through a lawn chair
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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