If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
