dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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