never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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