She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
