I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
