He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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