On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
