I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
