I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
