That's intense
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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