bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize