You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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