Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
