is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
