we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
