Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
