Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
