im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
