the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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